The divorce rate in the U. S. is estimated by some statisticians to be close to fifty percent. What this means is that millions of folks in America and their kids are wrestling with heavy Problems and wishes.
Post-divorce parenting is fraught with danger, danger that you’ll inadvertently do damage on top of what the divorce has done. To help you recognize mistakes you could be making and to avoid mistakes you are prone to make, Dr. Phil lists some of the most important and most frequent mistakes those in your situation typically make :
Sabotaging your youngster’s relationship with the other parent.
Using your child as a pawn to’get back at’ or hurt your ex.
Using your child to gain information or to manipulate and sway your ex.
Transferring hurt feelings and frustrations toward your ex onto your kid.
forcing your kid to pick a side when there’s a conflict in scheduling or another planning challenge.
Turning family events attended by both divorced fogeys into pressure cookers. Events that call for sensitiveness include birthdays, vacations, school programs, extracurricular activities and performances.
depending too much on your youngsters for companionship and support because you’re hurt and lonely and have adopted a siege mentality. It’s us against the world. This is not a healthy position for either you or your child to take on.
Treating your kid like an adult because you are forsaken or just require assistance. It is indecorous to give your kid an adult job.
Becoming so emotionally needy that your child develops feelings of guilt if he or she spends time or even wants to spend some time with your ex, chums, grandparents or others.
changing guilt over the divorce into overindulgence when it comes to satisfying your child’s material wants.
Besides making a dedication to avoid these mistakes, you must affirmatively commit to a family and parenting system which will help your kid flourish in a divorced home. Key elements of such a method include :
Commit to learn, adopt and apply all of the beliefs set out in Family First. The philosophies, tools and systems described in this book are vital to having a healthy, content family and raising successful, authentic kids, whether or not both parents live in the home.
Sit down with your ex and make an affirmative plan that sets aside any differences you could have and focuses instead on meeting the needs of your children.
Agree with your ex that you fully won’t disparage one another to your children. Further, forbid your children to speak disrespectfully about the other parent, even though it may be music to your ears.
negotiate and agree on how you can best handle such items as handing off the kids for visitation, holidays, or events. In the interest of your youngsters’s peace and security, it’s up to you to act maturely and without selfishness.
Agree on boundaries and behavioral tenets for raising your children so that there’s consistency in their lives, without regard for which parent they are with at any specified time.
with respect to extended family members, barter and agree on the job they will play and the access they will be granted while your youngster is in each other’s charge. The extended family plays a particularly significant role in the lives of youngsters.
Communicate actively with your ex about every aspect of your youngster’s development. Both fogeys should know about any and all positive or negative events in the child’s developmental journey.
Recognize that youngsters are susceptible to testing a situation and manipulating bounds and suggestions, especially if there’s a chance to get something they may not ordinarily be able to obtain. It’s important that you and your ex compare notes before jumping to conclusions or condemning one another about what might have happened.
even though it might be emotionally agonizing, ensure that you and your ex keep one another informed about changes in your life circumstances so that the child isn’t, ever the primary source of information.
Commit to conducting yourself with emotional integrity. If you and your ex have agreed to a plan, stick to it. Say what you mean ; mean what you say.
